


the road not taken

by coveredinthecolors



Category: The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Christmas, Eating Disorders, F/M, celebrities AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28318359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coveredinthecolors/pseuds/coveredinthecolors
Summary: Famous pop singer Caroline Forbes goes back to Mystic Falls for the holidays. And so does Klaus Mikaelson.
Relationships: Caroline Forbes/Klaus Mikaelson
Comments: 44
Kudos: 71





	the road not taken

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone! 
> 
> Tis I, back in the Klaroline fandom for a Christmas miracle. Kidding. I had this story written and thought, well... Why not post it? So here we are.
> 
> This is very much inspired by Taylor Swift's 'tis the damn season and dorothea, mainly. But I have been listenting to folklore and evermore on repeat nonstop, so it's also a little inspired by illicit affairs and mirrorball.
> 
> I want to thank **recyclingss** for all her encouragement for this fic and **Yokan/galvanizedfriend** for helping me figure some things out in the story and for beta-ing 90% of this (I added a few scenes and changed some things around, though, so any mistakes are very much my own).
> 
> **WARNINGS:** this is an angsty story (to my standards) and the ending, while not devastatingly sad, is not a completely happy one. This story also features mentions of eating disorders and depression, so please be careful if those topics are triggering to you!
> 
> It's kind of fun posting things again, so I really hope you guys like this one!

_we could call it even,_   
_you could call me babe for the weekend_   
_'tis the damn season, write this down_   
_I'm stayin at my parents' house_   
_and the road not taken looks real good now_

* * *

Caroline had always known she was going to end up in his bed.

Five-stars hotel bedrooms around the world and her own luxurious king-size bed in her $4 million dollars apartment could never quite match the comfort of waking up in Klaus Mikaelson’s childhood bedroom. The cold, winter light creeping in through the badly shut drapes, his arm slung over her torso and the soft covers wrapped around the two of them.

She could almost pretend the past five years had not happened, and that she’d only need to worry about small town gossip and not long lens cameras.

What trouble they would be in if anyone ever found out about their little Christmas tradition…

But here, where the dimmed lights cast familiar shadows and the silence wasn’t interrupted by a million clicking cameras, it was hard to worry about what happened outside those four walls. If becoming a famous musician was her dream, then this was a dream within the dream — intangible.

Well, except for one week a year.

“What are you thinking about?”

Even now, hearing his voice felt like a forbidden caress — like stolen touches underneath the table or secretive glances across the room. Just listening to him speak made her feel bold.

And his question… He used to ask her that all that time. Which was strange, considering how often she felt like he could read her mind.

“My album release,” she lied.

Klaus chuckled; she could feel the rumble of his laughter pressed against her back. If someone was to look up the definition of the word ‘peaceful’ they may as well see this moment.

“Hm… I am looking forward to it. January 6th, is it?” he teased, but it made her blush all the same.

It was one thing to imagine millions of strangers listening to her music, but it was something else to picture him doing it. He knew her too well for it not to be intimate, not to find himself all over her lyrics. They never talked about it, though. Well, they never really talked about anything.

Why would they?

Their rendez-vous were like Fight Club, and Mystic Falls was their own personal Vegas — whatever happened there was supposed to stay there.

“Yep.” She turned around to face him, grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. “Rolling Stone called it a masterpiece.”

There was a warmth in his eyes that always managed to get her heart to race just a little. Still, she could swear his smile had diminished, even as he said, “Congratulations, love. I’m sure it will be yet another records-breaking success.”

Multiple awards and two critically-acclaimed albums later, it was ridiculous how much his encouraging words still meant to her. She still remembered the way he smiled when he would sketch her as she sat at the floor of this very room with her guitar in her hands to play him her newest creations.

His room still looked exactly the same, untouched ever since they had both left town, but now he owned art galleries in New York and London and she played her songs to her producers.

“Thanks,” she said with a steady voice, but her smile was the one she used for the red carpets.

He frowned and parted his lips, as if he wanted to say something, but her alarm clock went off. 5pm. His siblings would soon flood the house and make very slim any chance of her leaving unnoticed.

Klaus sighed as he watched her sit on the bed. It was funny, she had the eyes of the world on her every other day, but his still made her skin prickle. It still made her have to square back her shoulders and raise her chin before she pushed the covers away, and she avoided glancing at her figure on the mirror in the corner of the room.

She’d gained weight after the tour, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that he would start comparing what he was seeing to the pictures of her from a few months ago. She knew the tabloids had no problem doing it.

Still, she forced herself to stand up. And, while the Mikaelsons paid for good heating in the house, leaving his warm bed still had her shivering. She rushed to put on her clothes as quickly as she could.

It was always strange, this part. She was used to leaving his house in secret as she had done it many times when they were teenagers. Back then, though, their goodbyes were sweet and exciting and filled with promises for tomorrow.

She would come back tomorrow, she always did, but they weren’t kids in love anymore. They were nothing, this was nothing. But it had once been something and she had once known how to act… Now she felt lost.

Caroline offered him a smile as she stood by the door. She was supposed to be an adult about this, she was supposed to feel confident and sure in herself. Her heart wasn’t supposed to be racing.

But Klaus sat there in his bed, the covers only up to his hips as he stared at her, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. And it was very hard not to think, not to imagine…

She shook her head, calling out a quick ‘bye’ over her shoulder before she bolted out the door.

* * *

His fingertips kept tracing iddle patterns onto her ribcage.

Caroline wasn’t sure what time it was — or if time existed at all in this godforsaken town — as she kept her head buried on a pillow that smelled an awful lot like home. No– not, home. Home was miles and miles away in sunny Los Angeles.

Home was fast-paced and wild and loud. And nothing like the silence that befell the Mikaelson manor at 3pm when most of its inhabitants found themselves busy elsewhere.

_A dream_ , she reminded herself. _This is nothing but a dream._

It certainly felt like it. Her mind was hazy and the bird chirps seemed so distant and soothing; her body had melted onto his mattress after everything they’d done. Sometimes she almost forgot what sex could feel like when you weren’t drunk (or wishing that you were drunk).

She hoped he felt the same way.

She hoped he craved this as much as she did. That sweet _Camille O'Connell_ left him itching for more, too.

Well, that was another thing they never talked about.

As far as he knew, she wasn’t even aware of his dating life, of course. Rich though he may be, it wasn’t as if everything he did was splattered across every other magazine or Instagram post. But if one knew where to look… And damn, she did know where to look.

Camille looked like her.

Or perhaps, now that she had her face buried in his pillow and all he could see was a mess of blonde hair, she was the one who looked like Camille.

Except she didn’t, not really. Camille O’Connell was… Beautiful. Effortlessly so. She was born rich and an Ivy League graduate — which didn’t stop her from starting a career as a model, of course. As a hobby, before she started grad school, apparently. Marchesa had still chosen her as their new face.

She was perfect and grown up and the kind of girl who was never a mess.

Caroline wondered what she looked like to him, in comparison. The media called her America’s sweetheart and she was the picture of happiness, always smiling and cheerful and polite. But Klaus had known her fake smiles since they were only suited for small town pageants, and she had never been good at lying to him.

Could he see through the bullshit even in her pictures? Past the make-up and the photoshop and the good lighting, could he see it all? Could he see right through her?

She always felt desperate to ask him, every time she saw him. What did he truly think about her today? Did he think about her at all when he wasn’t getting her to spread her legs for him?

She assumed he knew about Stefan. After all, it was rare that someone didn’t, even if they tried to avoid the tabloids and didn’t follow celebrities gossip.

Did Klaus wonder why they were still spending Christmas apart after three years together? Did he suspect about all the excuses she told and lies she spun to get her to come back to Mystic Falls alone?

_If he does, then he thinks I’m a love-struck child._

But she stayed there, even if it were true. The darkness was welcoming in his room, and his caresses were… What was the last time someone had taken the time to soothe her like this? To touch her just to comfort her.

He moved his finger up and down her torso repeatedly, as he had for a while now, but then he placed his other hand over her hair and his fingers threaded down her curls gently. She could drift off, it was tempting. His bed was so warm and she felt like nothing bad could happen while she remained there. Her dreams would be sweet and perhaps she would wake up with his head between her thighs... 

Caroline couldn’t think of anything she wanted more.

But she started focusing on the pattern of his moves against her ribcage. And she noticed that he was counting them… That he had figured out that he could count them too easily, the valleys between her ribs too pronounced.

She reached back to grab his wrist, stilling his hand. Klaus pulled back, and just like that, all the tension they had taken care of this afternoon found its way back to each and every muscle in her body.

Caroline raised her head from the pillow, supporting her weight on her forearms as he rolled to lie on his back and give her some space. She didn’t look back at him as she sat over the edge of the bed, her legs dangling in the air.

This time, she did look at herself in the mirror.

She could see her ribs, yes. But she could also see a fullness in her hips and cheeks that hadn’t been there a few months ago. She could see what had prompted some people on Twitter to question whether or not she was pregnant.

“I have to go,” she said, voice cold as the snow falling outside, but with none of the softness.

“Caroline–”

He called her, but he didn’t say anything as she picked up her clothes and got dressed or before she left through the door once more. What was he even supposed to say? She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it, anyway. It wasn’t as if he could possibly understand.

Which didn’t explain why she felt so disappointed as she drove away.

* * *

She still went back the next day, of course she did.

Her mom was working and there was only a limited amount of time she could spend alone in her childhood home before she started losing her mind. She didn’t dare wander around town too much because, well... Fuck hometown loyalty. She knew all of these people would love nothing more than to become “a source close to the singer” to TMZ.

So she took the familiar path to his place.

At first, Klaus seemed to remember their unspoken agreement of never actually talking and only greeted her briefly before his lips were on hers and no words needed to me muttered at all. It was exactly as it should be. She could use the quiet and the fun and the release.

The only problem was that she could never force herself to get up and leave as soon as it was over.

She lingered. With her knees turned to jelly and her limbs feeling heavy, she lingered. And he took advantage of it, stealing touches and soft caresses that had her eyelids closing and her mind drifting.

Those were the most dangerous moments. The moments when she wondered.

If 18-year old Caroline had been a little more sure of herself and had said yes to long distance… Or if 18-year old Caroline had listened to the adults and gone to college instead… If she had moved across the country with him, and not away from him…

_If, if, if, if, if…_

She hated that word. Well, there was a lot she hated these days.

But when she closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest… She could pretend there were no ‘what if’s or regrets. She could pretend this was all there ever was or could be and that it was perfectly enough and uncomplicated.

She could pretend he loved her as he had five years ago. She could pretend she could love him like there was nothing broken inside of her.

She didn’t hate everything when he had his arms wrapped around her.

And if she could, she would keep pretending the silence between them was comfortable and not loaded. She would keep it on forever. But he wasn’t as fond of acting as she was, and real-life Klaus was always more annoying than the one in her dreams.

“What are you thinking about?”

Again, that question… It irritated her. He shouldn’t ask that as if he expected a real answer, when they both knew they couldn’t — wouldn’t — discuss reality.

Or perhaps it just didn’t occur to him that her thoughts could be forbidden territory. That her thoughts would lead them into dangerous grounds. Perhaps his thoughts were so tame, so uninspired when it came to this, that he felt his question was harmless.

That angered her more than anything.

“Us,” she said impulsively.

Klaus tightened his hold on her as if it was instinctive to him; and when he pressed his lips against her shoulder, she could tell they were pursed.

_You asked._

It made her blood boil, to imagine that he would be displeased by her answer when he was the one who kept pushing for it. It made her want to yell at him. It made her wish that he would just feel something too. It made–

“What about us?”

Her heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t expected him to bite the bait. She hadn’t expected him to bait her back. Caroline didn’t want to think he was cruel, but she had never seen him be clueless before.

_Idiot_ , she thought. _Now was the time to tell me to leave._

Klaus would never do that, though. Maybe he didn’t care like he once did, but he would never stop being greedy. He had always been too possessive of each second they shared to care about venturing into dangerous waters… And he could afford that, as he had always been a better navigator than her. He wouldn’t get lost. He wouldn’t stay in the dark and over-analyse what was and wasn’t said until he had a brand new hit song written that felt more like a cry for help than anything else.

But she had never been as good at compartmentalizing as he was. 

“Sex,” she lied. “I was thinking we still have some time…”

He knew, of course. He always saw right through her… And he hesitated. Klaus never liked to let things go, he held on so tightly to everything…

_Well, he didn’t hold on all that much to you, did he?_

“Indeed,” he conceded. Her heart dropped.

She fought down the bitter laugh that was twisting a knot in her throat as she accepted his kisses and touches.

* * *

“Are you… okay?”

Caroline gulped.

He must have seen more than she’d realized yesterday, even if he had accepted her distraction and truce. Because now that she sat there, straddling his lap on his bed… He kept his hands on her waist and a serious semblance on his face.

There was something about Klaus — there had always been something about him that made her gravitate towards him. The look in his eyes, the genuine concern in his voice and in the furrow of his brows. It was something she hadn’t seen in a long while, and it almost made her want to tell him, well... everything.

How much she loved the music and the fans and the spotlight, but how there had been a price to pay for all of that. And how she now sometimes hated every single suffocating minute of it. How she hated her label and the tabloids. How she hated Stefan. How she hated the sound of a thousand cameras clicking together like a choir.

How she hated herself.

But Klaus was… Klaus wasn’t a mess. Not anymore, anyway. He had a life of his own and he knew how to be an adult and how to not feel so fucked up all the time. And why should she burden him with her demons when he would be leaving in just a few days, anyway?

The knot in her throat allowed for only what felt like the most pathetic of smiles.

“Of course,” she said, but her voice sounded strangled and distant and nothing like her own.

And he knew, of course he knew that she was lying. Klaus Mikaelson had always seen through her bullshit and white lies and fake smiles that didn't reach her eyes.

Back then he used to call her out on it all the time, and today almost felt like back then.

She could see it now, his lips parting and his eyes with this unquenchable fire burning behind them. She knew she wouldn’t be able to make those flames go away… But if there was something she had learned about him in their high school years was that she damn sure could redirect them.

Caroline leaned in, pressing her lips against his.

He resisted, at first. Klaus didn’t like to go down without a fight. But she knew how to coax a response from him, how tracing his lips with her tongue had him grabbing onto her hips and how biting down on them had him groaning against hers. He would let her slip her tongue past his teeth, let her tease him a little more… She wondered if he did it to test himself, hoping he would have the strength to stop her.

But he never did.

And soon he would pin her down underneath him and his hands would touch her and he would fuck her until she was screaming his name.

Until she was feeling something.

* * *

Last days were always bitter.

She would need to leave his house by 5pm, and paradise didn't feel like paradise with a clock ticking over her head. Not even the kisses and moans and gasps he coaxed so sweetly from her were able to stop the countdown.

And when they laid back in bed, facing each other and everything she left behind… There was a heaviness in her chest.

His beautiful blue eyes — the ones she would picture when it was someone else touching her back home — looked filled with all the concern she had dismissed these past few days. With the warmth of the teenage boy he used to be before everything changed.

But Klaus watched her every move with quiet contemplation. Cold and calculating, like they were playing poker and he was about to call on her bluff.

But when he stretched out his hand, it wasn't an attack. He let his fingertips brush against her cheek with a tenderness that bordered on reverence. It sent a shiver running down her spine. It had her closing her eyes and whispering–

_"Don't."_

He didn't pull back. And, even with her eyes shut, she could feel his still on her face. It made her feel like he could see everything… Everything she didn't want him to.

"Why not?" he asked, voice soft and careless like he was asking her what time it was.

She scoffed. "Don't be cruel. _You know why_."

Klaus pressed his palm fully against her cheek. His touches were always so warm and she could never stop herself from leaning into them, not even now. When she was supposed to be walking away.

Instead, she opened her eyes to see him frowning at her.

"Cruel?" She didn't answer. "How am I supposed to know why if you won't talk to me?"

His voice was still calm, despite the loaded accusation in his words. Caroline's eyes widened. He shouldn't be… This wasn't how it should be. She wanted to leave feeling sated, not frustrated.

"Well, we are not _supposed_ to talk."

She sat up this time. It was past the time she left… She had yet to learn how to walk away before it got complicated. Before he got complicated. Maybe this was a game to him… He had never liked boring.

But Klaus put his arm over her waist, not quite holding her in place, but almost begging her not to move. She still hadn't figured out how ro refuse him, so she stayed.

"Your rule, not mine." Again with the accusations, and this time he did sound bitter. He sat up as well so he could look her in the eyes. It took every ounce of strength in her not to look away. " _You_ wanted to leave. _You_ wanted space. _You_ wanted to break up. _You_ wanted to stop talking."

His hand grabbed onto her hip, like he was desperate for her to understand. And yet he wasn't angry, he wasn't raising his voice. She wished he would yell at her, she would even take a quiet disappointment. But this was somewhat worse. He looked… anguished. Someone who saw a trainwreck about to happen and couldn't stop it.

He saw her for the mess she was.

"Don't," she whispered again. She didn't want to face up to it. She didn't want to hear about how she was the one to fuck it all up. She didn't want to–

But Klaus didn't stop.

"I gave you everything you asked for. I let you go so that you could follow all your dreams. And now you look…"

Broken? Crumbling? Like a 23 year-old who spent the whole year looking forward to a week where she could cheat on her boyfriend with her high school ex? She was so sorry to disappoint.

Still, she squared back her shoulders and raised her chin. "Look like what?" she demanded. 

Klaus sighed. Again he reached out to trace her cheekbone with his fingers. Again she felt something shatter. She didn't want to cry, but her eyes filled with water all the same.

"Are you happy?"

Happy. What was that even supposed to mean, really? She had made it. She had achieved everything in 5-year-old Caroline's bucket list. Sold out stadium shows and #1 songs in the charts. She had everything. She was _everything_ she ever wanted to be.

"Of course I'm happy. I have everything anyone could possibly want."

It was true, wasn't it? Fame and fortune and fans who adored her all over the world. What could she ever complain about without sounding like an ungrateful ass?

But Klaus would never care about what she sounded like. Even if her problems weren't real problems. Even if she was just fucked in the head.

"Yes. I'm sure everyone would love to have your life… But I don't care about _'everyone'_ , do I? I care about what you want. So are you–"

"Are _you_ happy?" she blurted out. She couldn't stand to listen about how he _cared_ about her. About how worried he was…

And she needed to know. Needed to see it in his eyes that this– that she was nothing but a dèjá-vu. Fleeting and meaningless in his life. That he had outgrown her and outloved her. That he had a new life that didn't include her, that would never include her.

But he didn't–

Klaus tilted his head, looking at her with a sad smile as his thumb caressed her cheek. He looked the same as he had when they had said goodbye at the airport all those years ago. Full of yearning and warmth and pain. As if he had too much to say, but there just weren't enough words. It made her heart skip a beat. It made her heart _ache_. And it made her… Fuck. She was a horrible person. It made her so freaking relieved.

"Sometimes. One week a year, if I'm lucky." He looked pointedly at her.

Caroline closed her eyes again. If only she could go back in time and tell her 18 year-old self not to be a complete idiot…

But she couldn't do that, and she didn't know how to fix everything now. When they just didn't have enough time before she was leaving him again. So instead she just brought up her hand to cover his own, squeezing it. The tears started coming despite her best efforts.

"I'm sorry," she choked out.

For walking away, for letting him go, for being so fucking happy that he was suffering, too. She couldn't help it if this was the first time in too long that she didn't feel completely alone.

Klaus looked pained as he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. It almost made her laugh… He never knew what to do when she started crying, and he might forgive her just so that she would stop. She knew she didn't deserve it, though, so she just laid her head on his shoulder before he could say anything. He still knew to take his cues from her and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

As if he held her tight enough he could keep her from falling apart.

"What can I do to help?" he asked, lips moving against her hairline.

_Leave her, pick me._

If he truly still felt as he did five years ago… Then she knew he would. Might even find an excuse to open one of his art galleries on the West Coast. She could picture it so well. He would go to her shows, and buy her albums and be her biggest fan. She would go home to him and he would quiet her fears with his kisses.

And would it be enough?

Would depending on him make her heal? Would the calculator turn off in her mind while she ate? Would she stop googling herself to know what they were saying? Would she start googling him to know what the media was doing to him because of _her_?

She couldn't put him through that. Couldn't ask him to be her life boat. Not when she didn't trust herself not to drown him, too.

Caroline took a deep breath and buried her face on the crook of his neck. She really hoped he wouldn't hate her.

"Just be here next Christmas. _Please_?"

She heard the disappointment in his silence. In her mind, she pictured his face when she had told him she needed space. His breathing became even — too even. As if he was trying to control it.

For the first few moments, he only tightened his grip around her. She could almost hear him thinking — _mine, mine, mine_. But Klaus was… Klaus could be selfless, once every blue moon. And he seemed to save those precious occasions just for her.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he relaxed his hold on her.

Maybe next year she wouldn't feel like this. Maybe next year she could give him more. She hated to ask him to keep accepting her crumbles, but not enough to stop herself. Not when she knew he would take them.

"I promise."

Caroline pressed herself against him, revelling in his warmth. In a few minutes, her alarm clock would go off and she would have to walk away from him once more. When the promise of next year would just have to be enough.

But right now she had him — fuck, _she still had him_ — and she wanted to enjoy the silence of two people who had too much to say to one another, but the timing just wasn't right. Perhaps one day…

She took a deep breath. "Merry Christmas, Klaus."

He kissed the top of her head again, moving his hand up and down her arm to keep her warm. She wondered if his eyes were closed, too. If he were trying to memorize everything about how this felt to get him through the next year. She knew she was.

"Merry Christmas, love."

**Author's Note:**

> Well... There you go. What do you think? Did you enjoy this universe? The angst? I hope the ending did come across as a little bit hopeful that they could figure things out in the future. Also, this is a very Caroline-centric story and I don't think she is the easiest character to nail, so please let me know how that went!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you are all doing okay and you and your loved ones are safe. Happy Holidays, everyone!


End file.
